Leading up to the season everyone loves to make predictions, but there are never any ramifications. Well where is the fun in that? I am making 10 predictions about the 2018 Chicago Cubs, along with what I will do for each one if it comes true.
What could go wrong?
- Kyle Hendricks will throw a perfect game. All of the Cubs top five starters are capable of throwing a no-hitter, but I think The Professor’s incredible command makes him the most likely to be perfect. He is an underrated strikeout artist, which helps, you know, limit hits, but he also lets his (fantastic) defense make plays for him, so I think he does it Maddux-style in under 100 pitches. If it happens: Hendricks has a degree in economics from Dartmouth, so I thought if this prediction comes true I could complete an online course in economics. Then I realized he is from San Juan Capistrano, where the swallows return every year, so I changed my mind. If Hendricks throws a perfect game this year, I will swallow a shot of Jack Daniels.
- Javy Baez will hit for the cycle. If this happens, I really hope the triple is the last one he needs to accomplish the feat, because Javy flying around the bases hell-bent on getting to third would be pulse-racing excitement. And if he gets in on a patented El Mago-style slide, all the better. If it happens: I will learn and record a cover of “Cycling is Fun” by Shonen Knife.
- Kyle Schwarber will steal 18 (or more) bases. I originally typed 15, but it didn’t feel daring enough. So I changed it to 20, but that made me feel a little too fanboy-ish. 18 feels about right for a good over/under mark. If it happens: I’ll go to a track (or baseball field) and run as many 30 yard sprints as it takes to equal Schwarber’s total, then post the video for your entertainment.
- Jason Heyward will hit 20 (or more) homeruns. This might be the most daring prediction of all, but I just have this gut feeling that the “just play, don’t think” philosophy is going to click at some point and Heyward has a bit of a bounce-back season. It’s also a little bit of an indictment on how low a bar 20 homers is in this era. If it happens: I’ll go to the batting cage and see how many lefty swings it takes me to hit what I deem to be 20 homeruns. Full disclosure – I’m right-handed and my lefty swing makes JHey look like Ted Williams. I will, again, post the video for your entertainment.
- Addison Russell will win a Gold Glove. Somewhat dependent on his health, but if Russell avoids the injury bug I think this is a big year for him at the plate. What does that have to do with winning a Gold Glove? Well, due to the, um, peculiarities you see in Gold Glove voting, I think the extra attention his bat brings will result in the narrative latching onto his sublime defense. In fact, if he does win the Gold Glove, I think he also gets some down-ballot MVP votes. If it happens: I will post video of me trying to dance like Addison Russell.
- Willson Contreras will hit 30 (or more) homeruns. Dude is just so freaking good, plus he’s hitting between Rizzo and Schwarber. This is where I need to mention the insane potential of this offense. If my fourth prediction comes true, it is entirely possible for every single member of the opening day line-up to hit twenty or more homers. The top five could easily hit thirty. Just crazy. If it happens: I will spell my name “Dyllan” for a month.
- José Quintana will strike out 15 (or more) batters in a game. The lefty’s single-game high is 13, but I think he blows by that at least once this year. This is where I need to mention the insane potential of this rotation. I’ve been as guilty as anyone of labelling the top four as “number two” pitchers, but really all of them should be considered “underrated aces”. And Tyler Chatwood has the ability to be really good, as well. This era is too offense-heavy for the consecutive shutout record to be reached, but I could definitely see a bunch of two or three game streaks where the Cubs give the opposition nothing. (In case you’re wondering, the record is six straight by the 1903 Pittsburgh Pirates. The Orioles have pitched five consecutive, once in 1974 and once in 1995.) If it happens: In honor of “Q”, I will eat an entire Quizono’s sub.
- Chris Gimenez will get a win as a pitcher. There are a couple of different ways this could play out, a long extra inning game or mop-up duty combined with a crazy, improbable comeback. Either way, there is something about Cubs back-up catchers pitching that just seems to work and I think Gimenez spends a good portion of the season on the major league team. If it happens: Gimenez’s next pitching appearance will be the tenth of his career, but his next win will be his first. I have eaten at least ten hot dogs in my life, but never one Chicago-style. He wins, I win.
- Kris Bryant will hit four homeruns in a game. This feels like an eventuality, not a probability. All the better (and easier) if he does it in Colorado for all of the Norman Alerendo fans out there. If it happens: The first person to hit four homers in a single game was Bobby Lowe, who did it in 1894 for the Boston Beaneaters. If Bryant becomes the nineteenth, I will eat a can of beans.
- Yu Darvish will be the World Series MVP. Everyone is very well aware of Darvish’s struggles in last years championship series, but after reading about how the experience energized him to go after a ring, I think the big right-hander is on a mission. By the postseason Davish will be the “ace of underrated aces” and the Cubs will make sure to line him up as the game one starter in the fall classic. He will win that one, then come back to win the clinching game five. Yu, me, and all of us will go crazy. If it happens: I will drink an entire bottle of red wine and post a video of me dancing to “Go, Cubs, Go”. (Technically, this is the same thing I did when the Cubs won two years ago. Call it a tradition.)
If you have any predictions, feel free to post them in the comments.
